Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain, you would not understand
This is (not) how I am
I have become comfortably numb
Today is a strange day. How is it possible that I feel everything and nothing at the same time? The day started out average enough, but the longer it went the sadder I felt. I've long made the decision to never suppress my emotions. I shall let my myself feel them, experience them as they come. But today I wonder if it came on it own or I beckoned for it to come. Either way, I welcomed it.
Despite having many friends I can talk to, and who I know care for me, why is does it seem difficult to find comfort from someone? Is this loneliness? Some people will probably tell me I'm too independent and I should open myself up to pursue romantic relationships. But it's not romance I crave. It's mere connection, with someone, anyone, I can be vulnerable with. I guess maybe I'm tired of having to be strong and unwavering all the time. Always the one who is patient and understanding. The level-headed unemotional one. I don't know who to turn to. To God? Of course. If anything, these are the times when we have long one-on-one conversations. The answer I always receive has always been to remain steadfast.
And I have. To the best of my ability. I have long since allowed fate to do what it wills to do. I have become comfortably numb. Or so I thought. If I actually still feel the sadness, I guess I'm not completely numb just yet.
